A lot has happened since I last posted something on here. Sometimes I still think about my months spent in London and have a hard time believing I was actually there. I’ll watch movies with the Clock Tower and Parliament in the background and think to myself or yell out to whoever is listening, “Oh my gravy, I’ve been there in real life!”
Since my return from London, I moved into an apartment, made it through a packed semester of REAL classes, survived the God-forsaken class of Calculus II, traveled to Xela, Guatemala with other Ball State students on a medical brigade, learned that wellness is more than a number on the scale, experienced heartbreak, watched my brother graduate from Ball State, realized exactly what I want to do when I grow up, and figured out a few things about myself along the way.
That seems like a lot of stuff for just a few short months. Some of it’s been hard, sad, and confusing - but it’s also been good, happy, and thought-provoking. I went through a time where I didn’t really like the person I was becoming. I would like to say that I do not regret anything about that time, but that’s not entirely true. Someone once told me, referring to a certain situation that “it is what it is.” And as much as I hate that line, it’s true. Almost too true. So maybe I do wish I could take a few things back, but I can’t. Instead I just have to learn from those mistakes. And I think I have.
Going to Guatemala for a week changed my life in so many ways. It’s an experience that would humble anyone. The Guatemalans are so thankful for our medical supplies and help – and their gratitude showed every time they smiled. I am definitely not an expert in Spanish, so I communicated by simply smiling back. It’s the universal language – smiling doesn’t know language barriers.
The experience also changed me on the inside. It made me realize I have way too much to give and live for than to just settle for what I was allowing myself to become. This is what I want to do – I want to become a doctor so that I can travel abroad and help people so that they can become better for their families, their communities, and our world.
I was so happy the day my brother graduated. He isn’t quite as responsible as some people would like to think he is, considering I was carrying his graduation attire the day of graduation. And that I helped him get dressed about 5 minutes before the procession began. But nevertheless, I was proud of him. Proud of what he’s been through in the past and the way he’s overcome the challenges.
When I think about our lives, there was our life before the accident and life after the accident. Two very different and distinct areas. I realize I said “our lives” instead of “Jeff’s life” because it really did affect our whole family. If the accident had never happened, all of our lives would have been so different. One thing is for sure – I would have been in Colorado watching his graduation take place, instead of watching it in Worthen Arena. I probably would not have decided to attend Ball State University, but instead followed my brother to the Air Force Academy. I’m not normally a follower, but I do tend to follow Jeff. Mostly because we push and encourage each other to be better – because we both know what the other one is capable of. Even if we don’t know it ourselves sometimes.
Before we found out Jeff had been accepted to medical school, I was talking to him online one night about what he might do if he didn’t get accepted this year. He said something about how he would feel like he’s failed if he didn’t get in. I told him that was definitely not true. If he hadn’t been accepted, then he would have to make different plans. Take a different path. That path wouldn’t be better or worse, it would just be different.
So after the accident, he had to take a different path. Not better or worse, just different. And it’s not like this different path is any less extraordinary than his original path – hello, medical school, future radiologist – yeah, that’s pretty extraordinary. And Jeff will find a way to jump out of airplanes whether or not he’s still in a wheelchair. And for some reason, I have a feeling that I’ll follow him there as well. :)
One of Tessa’s guy friends recently told her that he could never date me because I’m “too much of a liberal hippie.” He and I would have never dated anyway – and I even took what he said as a compliment. I do have several characteristics that represent the term “hippie” – I recycle and actually get a little twinge in my heart if I see you throw something away that could be recycled. I even have recycling cans in my apartment. I keep moving closer and closer to becoming a full-blown vegetarian – I have more meat-free days than ones containing chicken, turkey, or fish (the only meats I even consider eating). It actually hurts my heart to use Styrofoam and I wish McDonald’s and every other company would stop using it just because it’s cheaper to purchase. I would choose to wear a tie-dye dress or a shirt that says “More Love, Less Waste” over anything Prada, Coach, or Versace every single time. You will NEVER find me wearing real fur – just think how silly a mink would look if he was wearing your skin. I have two tattoos (one is a heart with a peace sign), and I plan to get more. When I grow up, I want to have a vegetable garden, compost, eat organic foods, drive a smart car, hybrid, or motorcycle, and have solar panels on the roof of my house.
So yeah, that’s me. I don’t care if you think I’m a hippie freak or a treehugger. Because this is who I am. I’m not perfect - there are times when I throw a plastic bottle in a trash can or eat a turkey sandwich. But that’s okay. Because at the end of the day, I still love who I am.
As far as what I’ve learned about relationships, I’ll say this: There’s a difference between changing yourself for someone and making sacrifices for them - a difference between waiting around for that person and creating time to spend with them. A relationship or friendship will never work unless the other person is willing to make sacrifices and create time for you too. And if that person really cares about you, then they will. Amazingly enough, it really is THAT simple.
But having said that, I’m grateful. Because the change it caused in me needed to happen. Thank you for that.
So there it is. My spring semester. I’ve learned a lot, but I’m definitely not done yet. And that’s probably a good thing, considering I still have two years left to go. Yikes. I’ll probably look back on this entry when I’m graduating college and think, “Wow, I really was a hippie freak.” Oh well, I still love me.
Peace&treehugs,
Rach
